I'm leaving on a jet plane.....

...but I do know when I'll be back again!

My exploratory committee has informed me that I have enough support to secure another contract with EPIK, and I have decided to embrace that opportunity. In order to win over the hearts and minds of the people, I will be home for a 3-week visit in August before coming back to start my new contract/finish out this school year. (Korea runs on a calendar school year, so summer break is really mid-year.) The Caity Teacher Non-Korean U.S. Tour will be making stops in and around Northeast Tennessee, Washington, DC and Maryland's eastern shore. Please see Facebook for dates and times of public appearances. Campaign donations will be accepted in the form of Mexican food, nice cheese and alcoholic beverages. (And of course, actual money. Plane tickets to the U.S. in August are no joke, y'all!)

Now, you might be thinking to yourself, "Why should I support this woman? She's really been letting me down when it comes to regular blog posts recently." Well, I have heard your voices and this is what I have to say: I've been really busy preparing myself to be the best Native Englishee Teacher, and the best person, that I can be. Here's what I've accomplished in the past month or so:

• I planned and executed what I firmly believe was a successful open class. Feedback was positive from all arenas: Office of Education representative, Korean teachers and other native teachers. Well, I'm kind of guessing that the feedback was positive from Korean teachers because, though they can all presumably speak English, they of course gave their feedback in Korean. For 15 minutes each, followed by a 2-sentence translation from my co-teacher. Not sure what got left out, but at this point I don't really care.
• I paid a diplomatic visit to the Demilitarized Zone and subsequently drafted a motion to have all South Korean breweries taken over by North Korean brewers. Daily life might generally suck for North Koreans, but at least they have decent beer to knock back after a hard day at their state-sponsored jobs. I believe that this privilege should be extended to all citizens of the Korean peninsula. Good, affordable beer is a basic human right, and Cass and Hite just don't cut it.
• I attended two Native Englishee Teacher retreats at Myeongsasimri Beach in Wando. We discussed superior teaching strategies, how to keep the peace within our borders, and ways to improve and expand our territories....sort of.
• I conducted historical research in the city of Gyeongju, learning about leadership from the Great Shilla Kings.
• I attended a summit of EPIK teachers in Boseong, inspected some green tea fields for their efficiency, and acted as a mediator in the disputes between local crabs and mudskippers.
• I signed my new contract and successfully navigated the bureaucracy of the Gwangju Immigration Office on my own. The strange thing is, it was significantly more difficult to get the required drug test done at the hospital than it was to navigate the red tape of visa renewal. In fact, the immigration office was a remarkably timely and not-unpleasant experience. Kudos, Korea.
• I kicked off the season of goodbye parties for those brave and honorable folks who have served their schools well and are now returning to their respective homes. They will be greatly missed.
• I attended an international celebration of American Independence Day, forging lasting bonds with representatives from England, Ireland, Canada and South Africa, and introducing them to the American wonders of deviled eggs and apple pie.
• I completed my second Korean language course, thus allowing me to awkwardly communicate with Koreans in a slightly more effective way. We shall see on Tuesday whether or not I will get official credit for this (i.e. whether or not I passed the damn final exam).

As you can see, I have been working diligently to become the best that I can be. I hope that you will be able to overlook my blogging delinquency, and throw your support behind me once again!

In a future post, I will explain in detail my positions on certain key issues related to English education in Korea. In the mean time, may God bless the pilots who will be flying me home.

School emails according to Google Translate

Korean and English are very, very different. And they're not only different in the obvious ways - writing system, vocabulary, basic sounds. They also have nearly opposite sentence structure and entirely distinct approaches to verb conjugation, the use of articles, and even which words need to be included in a sentence at all. This is on top of the divergent cultural approaches to linguistic expression. In short, Korean and English are, appropriately, about as different as East and West.

And that is why, despite its valiant efforts to accurately translate from Korean to English, Google Translate often spits out some of the most nonsensical and hilarious sentences I have ever seen. That said, it is still the easiest and most reliable method that I have for translating inter-office school emails, so I continue to use it. My daily Google translations have become more of an entertaining pastime than an actual information-gathering activity these days, so I thought I'd share with you some of the better snippets I've collected. Google translations are in italics; my thoughts/interpretations are added in plain text.

If you're a 10,005-year-old children, school staff refer to official documents, please contact your office

We don't take kindly to mummy-students in the classroom. They require more paperwork than normal students.

Concerts ever since the resurrection of the teachers.

Zombie musician teachers!!!!

I think that our school will make shine gloriously.

This sounds more like it should have been written in North Korea.

Check the status of clean and ask the map to go to class.
Uneducated maps will lead our students astray.

Student Ministry ovule is zero.
Um.......

To establish availability and expertise of our colleagues held hostage every time the kidney will be OK.
If you have healthy kidneys, your most expert and available colleagues will be abducted by terrorists.

Lee, Jin Sam's moans, the office ...
The reason
So do not you come in each subject's test range .....
Please help the tears to cease .....
Seriously, guys, get within those subjects' test ranges or this woman is never going to stop moaning.

Two won by modifying the objective Taxonomy send back riohni
Because subjective taxonomy is just unscientific.

For information contact, our Chairman of the teacher to contact you when the Nordic Council session to say how you want to rust.
I would like to rust slowly into a nice burnt-orange color that brings out my eye color.

Hard to do two days rest to start a new Monday ildeulgo many hair pushed hard for everyone is not working well right? There are no see pony up more jobs.
The hair pushing isn't keeping everyone busy enough. Better find more jobs to give them.

Clean the area around the ruins remain drawn out sludge schools are a lot of things to do.
Sludge schools are commonly found in sewers and at the bottoms of ponds.

Teachers need to please take advantage of you.
It might be wise for me to quit soon if this email has been translated correctly.

It's official.

Let Friday, July 16, 2010 go down in history as the day that I finally got my Notice of Appointment.  Well, I don't technically have it yet, but it's on its way to the recruiters' office in Canada and will then find its way to my hot little hands, sticky with the heat and humidity of my last DC summer (for a year, anyway).  Thank God that's done.

*****Friday, July 16, 2010*****

Things always go down in history surrounded by asterisks and colored in hot pink.

Shortly after receiving this good news of great joy, I went through the slightly awkward right of passage that is resigning from my job for the first time.  In the past, I've ended my job because (a) it was an internship and it was supposed to end at a certain date, or (b) I got laid off.  We'll address that second one at some point in the future (maybe).  But I'd never actually resigned from a job before.  I was talking with a friend last week and we agreed that people tend to have this instinct for when one of their valued employees is looking to leave.  Bosses and coworkers then begin telling you how great it is to work with you, how much you're appreciated, how they don't know what they'd do without you, etc., etc.  This in turn creates a feeling of dread for the person who will, in fact, very soon, quit his/her job.

So after hearing my Boss tell me how much he appreciates me and mention his abandonment issues more than once, and involuntarily creating my own mental picture of my Coworker having a heart attack/aneurysm/exploding all over the walls when I tell her of my imminent departure, I was pretty freaked out about actually quitting.

To my great surprise and relief, the Boss was very supportive when we had our "I'm leaving you" talk.  He was very pastoral, which I'm sure has something to do with him being a priest, and even the Associate Boss was great about it.  Add to their credit that I really am leaving at a superbly shitty time: only two weeks remain before Boss goes on vacation for a month and Associate Boss runs the place without one of her key staff or with a brand new person on board trying to learn the ropes; I won't be around to train said person when (s)he comes on board; the parish is gearing up for a big capital campaign in the fall; a brand new website is being launched and people who usually do my kind of job are rarely savvy in this area....you get the picture.  We'll see if this general easy-going-ness continues through my last two weeks of work, but I feel blessed to have at least made it through that first Dreaded Conversation in one piece with no tears and no aneurysm of my own.  Speaking of, the Coworker(s) have yet to be told of my departure.  That will happen at staff meeting on Tuesday.  Pray for me (us), if you are so inclined.  Thanks.

Now all I have to do is pass my TEFL exam.  In a week.  Or I don't have the job after all.  Which is now what's causing me no end of strife and consternation.  I'm trying to stay positive and confident - after all, it's an open-book/note test.  How bad can it be?  It will, I'm sure, include sections that require detailed, well-thought-out answers that I, having only ever read about the art that is teaching, will have to hope I can produce with some degree of realism despite my lack of any real experience.  But never fear!  I am a communicator/PR professional, and BS is what I do for a living.  It's also quite handy in navigating the intricacies of Washington, DC, from securing funding for a cause to sneaking into the Capitol/House/Senate office buildings to do something that the Powers That Be don't really want you to do.  Look like you belong there and act like you know what you're doing.  And keep talking until they believe you.  Isn't that how most people pass the tests they have to take?